You may refer to me as Professor "under 200"

Because I am! I am 199.6. I am feeling good about my goal of 195 by my work physical since that includes Mat's graduation and a trip to Milwaukee with my family, my brother and "Almost Maybe Sister". Since everyone involved with the Milwaukee trip is a reader of this blog, I will assume that someone will say "Hey, let's NOT go get Taco Bell since it's 3am...". Since Carter is coming with us to Milwaukee, I might even take the babysitting duty and let the new graduate (also known as the husband) go out all night! But let's not get ahead of ourselves...

This weekend doesn't hold too much temptation since Mat is working pretty much straight through the weekend. Also, I'm going jeans shopping today, so I'm assuming the <200 high I have right now will be decimated by the "crap I can't squeeze into these like I thought I could" feeling in about 6 hours...but it should keep me from eating pie or pizza or whatever.

Shout-out to "Books & Yarn" for the awesome sushi experience yesterday. I'm glad you're my friend.

In other news, I'm pretty sure I've sent this to almost everyone, but just in case, watch this 90-second video of Carter reading to himself. It'll give you warm fuzzies: Carter Likes to Read

I have so much to say, but I don't wanna

I'd like to start with a photo. I am so pleased that my double chin will be featured on my company's intranet site this week.

I had a terrible weekend weight-wise. I mean "Hurricane Katrina, fingers covered in Burger King grease, sat on my fat butt with Doritos and spent my spare time napping" kind of weekend. This is not a small slip-up. This is major sabotage. SO I came in jazzed up to get some motivation from the winner of the "At Home" contest from Season 8's Biggest Loser (Rebecca Meyer). It didn't work because she sucks as a public speaker. However, someone I really admire said to me recently "you have to start over everyday with exercise". While that's kind of depressing and mentally exhausting, she was right. So I am, grudgingly, back on the wagon.  My new goal is 195 by May 18th. That is my health screening day and a perfectly do-able goal. It's not even a stretch goal. I want SO badly just to actually achieve a goal.

And I really need to hold myself accountable to my menus. I've been feeding Carter pretty well when he's willing to eat his damn peas (I only found 3 in his diaper last night, so I have to assume those are accidental peas-in-the-pants), but there have been far too many nights I've binged on whatever I can find. Mostly b/c I'm too tired to cook once I get munchkin down and the house semi-clean. But too bad, self! We're cooking from now on!

I mean, seriously, this is ridiculous. I hate not looking forward to blogging. I hate standing before all of you and having to admit that the scale isn't going the right way. I hate hate hate not being able to fulfill my promises to you or to myself. I know you would all like to see some progress, so I am going to try my BEST to give it to you. In some sort of disciplined fashion. Starting now. Because there is nothing worse than following someone's blog who isn't inspiring you and just gives Debbie Downer reports. Well, except maybe poop in the tub. That's pretty bad too.

Great Easter Weekend...and some philosophy about being fat.

I step on the scale Saturday morning and find...200.4!!! Hooray, I'm so close. I worked out during the weekend, I ate well (with the exception of a taco my husband forced in my mouth last night), and I feel really good. My clothes are fitting better, I'm getting a good amount of sleep and I'm clearly stronger. Everything is awesome...until I get pics this morning from last week's baby shower. Who is that person with the belly and the enormous thighs wearing my clothes? Why can't I reconcile the picture of HER with the picture of ME in the mirror? And...I come crashing back to earth.

So it turns out, it's easy to get caught up in the weight loss positives (which are very important and should not be minimized in one's psyche) and lose a little of the reality that while I have lost 25 pounds, I am still fat. Just because I feel like a supermodel b/c my clothes are fitting loosely, that doesn't mean I am not still a long way from my goal. And seeing pictures proves it. So does shopping for jeans.

I read this weekend that often, people will point out their deficiencies before other people have time to notice them. It's sort of like acknowledging them to someone else to make them aware of YOUR awareness about it so it's not the proverbial elephant in the room. I thought pretty hard about whether or not I do that, because I'm pretty upfront about my size. However, I've come to the conclusion that's not what I'm doing. I acknowledge my size because, unlike being smart/dumb, witty/boring, talented/not, one's weight is entirely visual to the outside world. I acknowledge it because doing so doesn't change my reality. Not talking about the fact I am fat does not make me thin. So when I say to people, "I just cannot believe I hauled my fat butt up the mountain/stairs/curb", I'm not using self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism. I truly am just surprised that I was able to do it. Hiking to Machu Picchu is a great example of this. I wasn't trying to be humorous b/c there wasn't much funny about that trip, I really am just in awe that I'm alive.

However, I also gave some thought to how other people might perceive/react to my realist version of the world. I suppose a lot of people really don't know what to say when I refer to my weight because social norms don't really encourage people to:
1) heartily agree with me "Yes, you are fat, good for you for noticing!"
2) run away without saying anything or
3) disagree on something that is so obvious as to make the listener seem blind or retarded. So usually people just sort of mutter, "oh Suzanne.." and then laugh nervously.

I haven't decided what to do with this yet. In the meantime, please let me say the following: I am fat. Yes I am. But I am working on it and I do not believe it is what defines me. I am also: smart, witty, loyal and a good wife, friend and mother. So if you readers feel uncomfortable with my proclamation and do not want to agree heartily (which you can absolutely do with no fear of retaliation), feel free to compliment me on any one of my awesome features listed above. Problem solved.

A birthday shout-out to my friend "Stampy".  Hoping to have good news for everyone that does NOT begin with a "2" at the next weigh-in sometime this week. In the meantime, enjoy this picture of Carter from yesterday:

Take That Super Sculpt!

I made it through another insane instructor with perky breasts and tight glutes. Hmmm, gramatically that sentence is ambiguous, so let me clarify that it is the INSTRUCTOR that has the perky breasts/tight glutes...not me. I'm sure that was being called into question.


Little Bit did the class with me. I asked her for a quote since she thought the class was also really challenging, but it turns out she's not nearly as witty and funny as I am, so none of her quotes were good enough. I respect my readers and won't subject y'all to crappy quotes.

The votes so far seem to be overwhelmingly for Weight Watchers in Phase II. I concur. I do love tracking things in Excel spreadsheets and the point system resonates with me for that reason. Here is a short list (not exhaustive) of other things I currently or recently track in Excel:
1. Christmas card list (given and received over a trailing 5 year period)

2. Each flavor of baby food Carter has tried with weekly menu (yes, he tried EVERY SINGLE Gerber and Earth's Best flavor so that he will have a sophisticated palette).

3. Household finances (there are actually 10 associated worksheets for this)

4. Carter's weight, ounces of milk, % formula and interactive charts, daily for six months

5. Books I'm reading, have read, want to read (7 worksheets)

6. Household dates (exterminator, dentist, vet, carpet cleaner, etc)

Neurosis not withstanding, the point system DOES seem compelling. Perhaps I could link to my excel document somehow and you could all follow along! Hooray!

Not to goal, but still motivated

So after poor husband had to go out at 8:45 on the 31st to get an obscure scale battery, I was ready for my weigh-in on April 1. I did NOT drink the proposed wine the night before and I did NOT order the proposed brick-oven, garlic and pepperoni with basil pizza. And the result.... 202.2.
Yes, that is not to my (very aggressive) goal of <200 by April 1, but I feel really good about it. That is, 23 pounds less than I weighed at my max (ex-pregnancy)...therefore I have lost 10% of myself. Basically, I have lost Carter from my body literally and now also figuratively. This blog is really helping my choices and completing motivating me to push through. Also, since I can move my legs again from Monday's workout, I have foregone step to meet my adversary face to face again. Super Sculpt (emphasis on "Sculpt", not on "Super" like I originally assumed). Little Bit is going to go with me and I'm really excited to try a different instructor's class.

Carter news: Carter became a Canadian today. He is now officially a dual citizen and therefore if America gets bombed too much or we go broke from the healthcare bill or whatever, we have a plan B. He's also learning Portugese at daycare, so that's awesome.

Family news: Carter and I are headed to Texas May 29-June 5th. If you want a piece of me and you are not 1) family 2)a hiring manager 3) paying for dinner, please line up and I will try VERY hard to see everyone.

Meanwhile, when I get to 195, I'm going implement Phase II. I am considering one of the following: lengthening my workout, Weight Watchers, Other. So dear readers, please comment or email me with your vote on what I should do 7 pounds from now to ensure that I continue to be motivated and to lose weight.

Nobody Likes You, Monday.

So after a glorious weekend of egg-hunting, wagon rides and sunshine, I step hopefully on the scale this morning. Now I admit, I didn't work out (unless pulling 70 pounds of toddler in a wagon for 2 miles or running after 12 toddlers during an egg hunt count), BUT I also didn't binge or eat totally stupidly.

What do I get for my hard work and willpower? What is my payoff for living a healthy and active lifestyle that I can maintain? 2 pounds. AN ADDITION TO MY FAT BUTT OF 2 POUNDS.

Generally this is where I'd add a string of expletives venting my frustration and thoughts about where those two pounds can go. But since we're close to Easter, I'll skip it and say...that sucks.

So upwards and onwards through the discouragement. I'm working out 6 times this week (even though I said that last week...) and I'm going to really lay off the diet soda (water retention) and make friends with water. The bagels, donuts and candy from the egghunt are safely out of the house and I have a healthy, nutritious menu planned for this week. Maybe I'll also have to get a lung or a kidney or something removed this week and therefore still make my goal weight....even though it's 5.3 pounds away.

Some administrative notes:
Birthday shout-outs for the week:  Hubby (3rd) & "Maybe Someday Sister" (1st).

TO "Stop it": I called you a hoarder, not a whore...now your facial expression makes sense.

Also, now that Lent is over, I can drink alcohol. Yet I'm not going to go get plastered just because I CAN...well, not tonight anyway. And for those Catholics in the audience that insist Lent is through Easter, MY LENT is 40 days because that's how long Jesus was tempted in the desert. And I want to be like Jesus. And also because I want to be able to drink on Mat's birthday.

Why none of my co-workers could work with addicts

It was really terrible. I was jones-ing for a jelly bean. I mean I NEEDED it. I couldn't work, I couldn't talk, I just wanted a SWEET JUICY STARBURST JELLY BEAN. But alas, the sweet juiciness was not to be had. Were my co-workers interested in getting to the root of my irrational need for a jelly bean? Not at all. There were however, some interesting different reactions:

"Never Sleeps" wouldn't give me one. Neither would Little Bit. They were firm. They didn't really care, but they were firm. So they get 4 out of 5 stars for crisis management. However, I still would not recommend they ever work in a drug rehab facility because neither of them was interested in my mental state, just in the fact that I didn't know where said jelly beans were hidden.

Miss Kitty gets 0 stars. In fact, Miss Kitty should have stars taken away for her reaction to my plight. What does Miss Kitty say when I ask for a measly TWO awesome jelly beans (total calorie intake: approximately 15)? Miss Kitty says, "Here, take this 75 calorie chocolate truffle instead". Damn you Miss Kitty. Damn you and your scrumptous random chocolate. (Yes, I ate it. It was great).

I Heart Gordmans decides she's going to help me. This is an interesting case because I think I Heart Gordman's has the best capacity for understanding how to attack a "fix" in moderation. She suggested I have two jelly beans only and agreed to help me (with the implied understanding that she would wrestle me to the ground if I tried to get more than two out of that bag). However, she totally botched the delivery of the package to me BY EATING THE JELLY BEANS HERSELF once they were in her possession. I do not believe this was preconceived. 2.5 stars for I Heart Gordmans. Because I can't judge her for eating the yumminess that was in her hands.

So as I sit here today, jelly-bean-less, it is concerning to me that I freaked out over candy yesterday. I am worried I may have a problem. A problem that clearly my co-workers are not equipped to handle. Idid a little research on candy addiction and it turns out to be real (sort of). There is even an iPhone app!

"Addicted to Candy". I've copy/pasted from the website (apparently the maker of the app originally designed it with drugs, but I guess Apple wouldn't let them use it...so they went with a more ubiquitous, but no less dangerous, item).

The premise of Candy Wars is that 30 years into the future candy has gone the way of cocaine and been banned. So you must work the streets and sell brownies, sour tarts and sugar sticks so addicts can get a fix for their sweet tooth. Prohibition 3: Candy Wars is a very simple game but does what it is supposed to do well. It is a reworked, touch-screen friendly remake of Drug Wars, which was written for DOS about 25 years ago. It stays true to the simplistic interface and delivers some addicting fun.



The premise of Candy Wars is pretty simple — buy low and sell high. The interface involves switching between a screen where you can buy or sell the illegal candy substances and a subway menu that lets you travel to different parts of New York. As supply and demand goes there are different prices for the candy throughout the sections of New York. So buy candy cheaply and sell it for a profit to grow your business. Getting good at the game requires a combination of knowing where to buy the candy on the cheap and finding the right places to sell for a higher profit. You also need to develop enough cash and supply to deal with how the market fluctuates. These can be quite rapid so sometimes it is worth making the sale before checking all the other areas for the best price.



Some wrenches are thrown in to your plan through loan sharks and Food and Drug Administration agents. A pop-up message will warn you that loan sharks are demanding repayment or that you are being chased by the FDA. Charming the agents with some of your pixie dust or hiding in an alley can avert the confiscation of your stash.

I can't think of a game I would be better at. Business combined with my own understanding of candy addiction would make a "candy lord" in the Midwest. Except I'd be addicted to my own product....Oh well, maybe when they come out with "Addicted to Mushrooms"....I would rock at that game.